When I was 10 years old I was sitting in my favorite “Thinking Tree” (a Sycamore tree) by the creek that ran through our Kentucky farm when I began thinking about what I would be when I grew up. Suddenly, a very audible voice came through and said, “You’re going to be a writer, Clare.” I was quite excited about that prospect and I loved reading and writing. I already had dozens of books in the bookcase in my bedroom, and I knew in my heart that this “calling” was perfect.
The one thing that my “Inner Voice” didn’t tell me was the path to take to accomplish this goal. However, I didn’t think too much about that. I just went along, continued with reading books and writing poetry, essays and even trying my hand at short stories. As it turned out, it was not a quick or straight journey on this path; it was, by my estimation, a long and winding path to get to the place that I was intended to be and engaged in my calling.
The path included getting married, having four children, moving from the place of my birth in Kentucky to a town just north of Salt Lake City, Utah – the place where my husband was born and reared. My interest in religion led me to join the Mormon Church (the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints), and my 10-year odyssey into – and subsequently out of – that religion is told in my 2001 best-selling book A Stranger in Zion: a Christian’s Journey Through the Heart of Utah Mormonism. I was a Christian at that time, and I never imagined myself anything other than a Christian. But things would change.
It was about ten years after my move to Phoenix, Arizona following my excommunication from the Mormon Church, that I was taking classes for my Masters in Divinity degree at Arizona State University through a cooperative program with Claremont School of Theology in Claremont, California. It was in class one evening – we were studying New Testament theology – that again I heard my inner voice: “Clare, you do not belong here. This is not your path.”
I left class that evening and dropped the M.Div. program. However, I kept attending a Disciples of Christ (Christian) Church – the denomination of my childhood. Singing in the church choir had been an activity I’d enjoyed all my life and I had become quite an accomplished singer. However, each Sunday I began to get stirrings that something was about to change, and I found myself suddenly questioning why all these people went to church as I looked out over the congregation from my seat in the choir loft.
One Sunday morning, I’d just asked myself, “Why are all of these people here?” when my inner voice came on once again: “The question, Clare, is not why all of those people are here. The question is why are you here?” It was surprising to hear my inner voice at that moment in time, but I was grateful for the chance to explore myself and my path further. After church services I hung up my choir robe, left the building and never went back. I had to find the answer to that question.
A few months later, as I was moving into a two-story townhouse, I was putting my large collection of books onto the shelves of my loft library. Suddenly, one book fell from the shelf and hit my bare foot. Ouch! I picked up the book and it was Alan Watts’ The Way of Zen. I’d tried reading it earlier in my history – in about 1972 when Buddhism was becoming popular in the United States – but it made no sense to me. It was like reading Greek! But, my interest in religion kept me from getting rid of the book, so I’d kept it in my collection for the past 30 years.
On that day however, I picked up the book and opened it to the first chapter and began reading. It was like a bright light had come on and suddenly I began to understand! I knew what Watts was talking about even though I knew nothing as yet about Buddhism – Zen or otherwise. It was the beginning of a new path for me; a path that would take me into the strange new world of Eastern spiritual philosophies where I would eventually find my home.
It was a fortuitous event – that book falling on my foot – and I understand why people say “there are no accidents.” If we learn to go with the flow of our lives, we will find that we will end up exactly where we need to be. We will be gifted with understanding our life’s purpose.
I’ve had a long career as a contract and freelance writer for business and industry trade publications, building my marketing and public relations business working with small-to-mid-sized manufacturing firms – I loved manufacturing as my father was a tool-and-die maker and wood-worker with his own business for many years. On the side I wrote spiritual essays and articles for various publications, thinking that one day I would use my own experiences on my path to help others. My first book in this goal was The Teacher Within: Finding and Living Your Personal Truth, which is available as print-on-demand from Amazon.
My new book, The Illusion of Life and Death: Mind, Consciousness, and Eternal Being, published by Monkfish Book Publishing Company, is one that I hope you enjoy as well, available for order at many book stores and online book sellers.